Lactose intolerance: A milk lover’s nemesis

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It has started again, the silent, hot farts that smell like gutter. You know what comes next, so you’re already praying that the toilet is free when you get there so someone doesn’t see you enter or hear you releasing explosive shit.

‘Never to be caught unfresh’ in the mud.

The first time you noticed something wrong was after you bought Habib yoghurt with fura at college gate. It was not your first time of taking yoghurt so you shrugged it off. Perhaps it was a bad batch.

The next time was when you took cornflakes, soaked in full cream milk like you always do when you want to enjoy your life.

Another time was with friends when you hung out and had ice cream and pizza.

Ha! It is becoming a trend, and now you’re worried. It also seems to have started suddenly.

Village people?!

Before you start panicking. I’d like you to know that you are not alone.

65-70% of the world’s population are like you. You’re simply Lactose Intolerant

Diary products like milk, yoghurt, icecream contain a form of sugar called Lactose. Our bodies contain an enzyme called lactase that helps break lactose down into glucose.

The thing is, as we age, the amount of the lactase enzyme reduces, thereby reducing our ability to fully digest lactose in dairy food.

The excess lactase is passed into the digestive tract and when bacteria in our guts act on it, it causes the symptoms such as bloating, farting and diarrhea(stooling). Often these symptoms occur within one to two hours after consuming milk or other dairy products.

Did you also know that the ability to digest lactose is lesser in Africans than for Europeans .

What kind of wahala is this, abi? But in the beginning it was not so, you could challenge Wale to a drinking competition in primary school and finish 6 tins of peak milk without issues.

Well, it is what it is.

Yet, despite all this, you find yourself craving everything that contains dairy.

There are a number of people like you also. It’s not your fault. We’re bombarded on every side with enticing images and adverts of yummy looking pastries and milk products, plus where will we get all our calcium from?.. The other food sources surely do not taste as delicious as milk and its derivatives.

What would this life be without Ogi drowning in an ocean of liquid milk with a side of akara or moin moin on a Saturday morning?, or sinfully creamy vanilla ice cream on a plate of warm waffles on a fine Saturday afternoon?. How can habib yoghurt be the same without the full tin of milk with fura mixed in?

This is the milk lover’s cross (and nemesis). They are often torn between suffering and enjoyment, and most people pick enjoyment because, if something must kill a man, it should be enjoyment.

You’d rather bear the consequences than give up your favourite foods.

However, brethren. I’m here to tell you that if you constantly experience any of the side effects stated above, There is only one viable solution, avoid milk, avoid dairy.

Hmm, this one is not possible o. There has to be other ways around it. No milk, no yoghurt, no icecream. It cannot work o.